Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

In an alternative universe far far away I’m raving about this. But unfortunately, here and now, I’m deeply regretting the time wasted watching it. Nothing, Nowhere, Never – as I subconsciously retitled it (It’s more accurate but I can see why it wouldn’t appeal to the distributors) is a seriously terrible film and on so…

The Souvenir

If I wasn’t such a masochist I wouldn’t have enjoyed this at all. In an age where Disney is shamelessly exploiting its back catalogue with money spinning live action remakes, Joanna Hogg has chosen to move in the opposite direction by inventing a whole new genre, the dead action original. I’m not sure I can…

Madeline’s Madeline

I’m making a film at the moment. It’s my first one. The camera is my phone; a selfie stick stands in for the boom, and the audio is provided by a car radio. Hair, make up, costume and props are courtesy of my daughter Gina, who has also taken on the roles of editor, continuity,…

Song to Song

Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. A meaningless title presaged a meaningless film. This was an indulgent mess which quite literally lost the plot. What a waste of time, money and the collective talents of some of Hollywood’s finest. We are in Austin Texas eavesdropping on a collection of music industry types. Ryan Gosling is…

The Players (Les Infidels)

A stinker of truely epic proportions. This port manteau effort featuring some of the most stellar French movie talent of the moment should probably never have seen the light of day and I’m sure that many of its participants will look back on this with a mixture of anguish and deep professional regret. The film…

Polisse

I really hated this and I found it an excrutiating watch. Given the subject matter which concerned the activities of a Paris based child protection unit, I expected some sensitivity in the way that director/star Maiwenn would approach things, especially in her handling of the child actors involved. Instead we were treated to a confusion…

Chevalier

Greek cinema has had some conspicuous successes lately, so I approached Athina Rachel Tsangari’s latest work with raised expectations. Unfortunately it seems the bubble may have burst because I found this a dreary and infuriating mess. Indeed I’ll go further and suggest that this was quite an offensive piece of work. Imagine if a male…

A Little Chaos

Written, directed and starring Alan Rickman this film is as misconceived, overblown and indulgent as the Versailles Palace gardens in which it is set. I have an image of Rickman dozing in front of the TV and waking abruptly just as Channel 4s Restoration Man is ending and getting entirely the wrong end of the…

Dreams of a Life

I found this a prurient, lazy and deceitful film; a shocking story shockingly told and possibly the worst documentary I have ever seen. There were two legitimate reasons for making this. One was to assemble a credible biography of Joyce Vincent and use it to illustrate some of the failures of contemporary society. The other…

Chef

What a tedious load of claptrap. I thought it would never end. Produced, written, directed and starring John Favreau I guess at least we know who to blame. I am unfamiliar with any of his previous work and will probably remain so after this scaring experience. Here he plays the titular chef, Carl as such…

The Bling Ring

Beyond vacuous. Rating 1/20 (only because my system won’t allow a zero) Viewed. 19/08/2013 Screen 2